LiLo’s Complex Mag Photoshoot

1. Estranged father Michael tries to sell rumors about her sex life—that she had an affair with Tommy Mottola when she was 17 and that she’s HIV-positive—to websites and tabloids. When no one bites, he posts the “news” on his Twitter, only to later claim that his account had been hacked. You stay classy, Mike.

2. The Complex cover shoot! She shows up five hours late at 12:30 a.m.—earlier than we’d figured, actually.

3. The two photogs shooting the cover send a press release to tabloids claiming that the female photog and Lindsay are in a lesbian relationship. Perhaps the photographers are trying to drum up publicity for their Bravo reality show, but LiLo squashes the rumor.

4. In a hotel room during the Cannes Film Festival, Lindsay’s photographed near what looks like Fun Dip that someone conveniently shaped into narrow lines. On a mirror. Danny Bonaduce and Corey Haim’s ghost cluck their tongues disapprovingly.

5. She loses her passport while in Cannes, which causes her to miss the last of her alcohol awareness classes from a 2007 DUI and cocaine possession charge. News outfits delight in reporting that she’ll be jailed upon her return.

6. She avoids jail, thanks to a hearing that tabloids breathlessly report on. Included in the decision is Lindsay being forced to wear a rather clunky SCRAM (Secure Continuous Remote Alcohol Monitor) ankle bracelet.

7. Lindsay attends the MTV Movie Awards, rocking a pantsuit to cover up the SCRAM anklet.

8. Later that night, at Katy Perry’s after party, the SCRAM goes off, ostensibly because it detects a spike in LiLo’s blood alcohol level. Her mother vehemently denies that Lindsay was drinking, claiming that the SCRAM was fooled by “too many energy drinks.”

9. Post-SCRAM, the judge sets LiLo’s bail at $200,000—and once again, all the magazines editors hold their breath waiting to see if she will serve time.

10. It IS confirmed that Lilo will serve jail time. Ahhh sweet success.

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